...my UPS man is onto me. Let's face it, he is no fool, he's been around the Stampin' Up block a time or two. He knows that there is a new release right about now...you can see the tension in his eyes. I know I am not the only demo in my area, so I can only assume that this scenario plays itself out more than a few times a day for Mr. Brown. Tell me if any of the following sound familiar to you girls:
I have been (not very patiently) waiting for my pre-order goodies to arrive. I have been commiserating with other demos around me (Lydia, I promise if I see your sock monkey I will personally assault Mr. Brown and grab it for you!) and they all feel the same way. But my Mr. Brown, well, let's just put it this way.
Do you ever watch Discovery Channel? Or how about Animal Planet? You know that plaintive look the little gazelle gets when he is approaching the watering hole full of hungry crocodiles, or how all the little penguins just line up nervously waiting to see who is going to be first to jump into the killer whale infested waters? That is the exact same look on Mr. Brown's face these days when he pulls up in front of my house.
First of all, he either is running a hybrid engine or he shuts the thing off and coasts in to my place because you never hear the engine running. Oh no, that might tip you off that he is actually here. I have gotten smarter and make sure to put my dogs outside on UPS day to get an early warning, but with the summer heat they mostly just nap in the breezeway instead of stand guard like they are supposed to. (Oh sure, they can hear me open the very cabinet that the doggy cookies are in and come barking, but they can't hear that giant truck? Not a coincidence, folks!)
So, after stealthily approaching my house, I have noticed the following behavior. First, he will go hide in the back of his truck for a few minutes. I can only assume that he is steeling his nerve, perhaps scrawling a hasty "I love you honey, remember I tried my best" goodbye note on a packing slip or something. Then, he comes to the door of the truck. He looks furtively at my door like I have land mines planted in my yard or something, then decides to take a small "test step" outside of the van. Trust me, not since the great Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon did one man do so much with one step. Why do I say this? Well, in Kim's world once his foot hits my yard, it's on.
The man wears the cute little brown shorts and running shoes. This isn't his first rodeo. He knows that he is likely to be attacked by me at any second (well, my package could be attacked by me, he will just be collateral damage) and so he does not waste any time. He sprints to my door, and if the coast is clear, he tries to quietly put my package(s) down and make a run for it. However, I can attest to the fact that if he senses I am behind the door, if I make the slightest peep of a sound at all, he will raise his head up like one of those cute little meerkats looking for a hyenna and then throw my package and bolt. Once he is about halfway to the truck you see him relax and even smile a little bit, because he has once again ran the gauntlet and survived with nary a scratch.
I usually let him get a good 10 feet from the door before I fling it open and shout "Thank you!" then grab my box and head inside. But sometimes, well, sometimes I just feel like making the poor guy suffer. Take yesterday for instance. I had ordered some things for a customer and they were going to be delivered on Tuesday. Now, thanks to modern technology, I know that I am getting my SAB order on Thursday and my pre-order on Friday. So, when I opened the door yesterday instead of yelling my usual to Mr. Brown I said, "Thank you...see you on Thursday! Oh, and Friday too!" I promise, you could see the smile just melt off his face. He looked like a little boy who just dropped his ice cream in the dirt. Poor, poor Mr. Brown. Now he knows he has to come back here two more times this week and face me down.
Maybe this week he will decide to take a personal day and I will have a (cue dramatic music here) Substitute Driver. Poor sap, it will probably be some fresh-out-of-UPS school kid that hasn't yet learned the power of the Stampin' Up box. Don't you just love that kind? There so cute when they are young! Such easy pickings...
Well, excuse me, I have to see if I have any makeup that will double for mottled brick camo and get my game face on. After all, there are new stamps coming this week, and possibly a new driver to train up in the ways of the demonstrator who is waiting for her order. So much to teach, so little time grasshopper.
Until next time...Happy Stamping!